Why...

Why is it that we reach out to help the people around us? Why is it that we have to be nice to other people around us eventhough they hurt us? These people will talk behind our back, say one thing and mean the other...Come to think about it, how many friends are there in our life that is really and truly sincere to us. How long would it take for a person to finally see through another's intention towards them...What if a person has an ill intention to help you, or if a person is truly reaching out for you because they care? How do we know, how can we tell.

I use to ask the people that is close to me, what do they think of me...The answers that they gave are by no means heart wrenching...cause I make mistakes too, i get that and i appreciate their honest answers and believe it or not I thank them and i bore no hatred towards those who gave me an honest opinion. But i suppose as we grow older it becomes harder and harder to get an honest answer from that question, other than those that comes out of a really close friend who kindly remind you that you are running of track or those from your parents (which no matter how they phrase still manage to anger you, eventhough u know that it's for your own good).

What does it means to confide in someone, it means to let something of your chest because it is bottling up inside you, and u expect the person you tell them to keep that piece of information to themselves, not blab it about because that is not what a friend do. The only reason you know what I told you is because i trust you, not because I want you to be a messenger, if i wan that person to know how I feel I can tell them myself, thank you very much! ( Kinda piss at this person because this is not the first time these kind of things is happening already, what do you think you are playing at!)I am just thankful that no damage has been done, but don;t expect me to tell you anything personal from now on...

Okla, actually the whole thing is because i was thinking too much. Must be the stress of the assignments that is pilling up. But the last part about this person is seriosuly pissing me off, thank God i did not tell this person some top secret stuff, imagine if I did *shudders*

Don't worry folks, this is not as serious as it sounds...actually I wanted to write a philosophy out of this but i suppose it's too late to think of more fansy pansy kind of language at this hour...Haha

I'm NOT ready to make nice!

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I have never thought that this song would make so much sense and relate so much to me, and i never ever thought that a person like this would actually deserve even a place in my blog, but i need a way out and someone ought to know how i feel...I am hoping that by the end of this entry my anger and confusion would resolve and hopefully i will find a way to forget this....*sigh*

It's not that i have been threaten for my life nor is the problem as serious as it seems, i would not say that i have no fault in this whole thing anyway. I admit that i might have misunderstood this person, and i admit that there has been a miscommunication is there some where. But, i did truthfully care for this person with my heart, but i suppose i could not take the blow that this one person dealt on me. Never have i been hurt, betrayed and thought of so badly, and i mean never! It came to a point where i no longer know what is real and what is not. When trust is lost in a relationship, all is lost. And you dare ask me if i know what friendship is all about and what it means! You blame for what i put you through, and have u stop to think that what you have put me through...Don't blame me for your actions, i have nothing to do with your choicest in life!

You say that you don't see me as a friend, so be it! I see you as an acquiantance, nothing more. You say you don't want me in your life, you think i do?! Heck, i would give anything to erase what you put me through, it is not smooth sailing for me either, you know what you did, i am not going to write down your deeds, i don't want another msg from you telling me off. Life is like a movie huh? But it does not aways end the way you want it, does it?

I want to forgive you, i really do...Oh, not for you; but for myself i want to be free of you too. but, every time when i come so close of letting go, you have to do something to piss me off all over again. I don;t think i can forget a person like you, you thought me a very good lesson of trust and betrayal, i will remember this lesson...for life! Here for the first and the last time, i ask for your forgiveness, this is my last act to you, if i have done you any wrong. i ask for forgiveness to return my debt to you, whatever it might be, to set you and myself free. No matter if you shall not forgive me, curse me if you will, i dun care. This post is coming to an end... I shall put this behind me.

Forgive, sounds good, forget i dont think i could. And for the last time i dun think i would have done it any differently either. Well, i'm out of your life as u wish, and hopefully you go lead your life the way you want it, it's none of my business anyway. Good luck. Time heals everything, well i'm waiting...